How to Advocate for Yourself During Birth....Even When No One’s Listening
You’ve imagined this moment a thousand times. You’ve taken the classes, packed your hospital bag, and made a birth plan. But what happens when the people who are supposed to help… don’t listen?
On a recent episode of The Running Wine Mom, Dr. Robynn Mays—licensed clinical social worker and maternal mental health advocate—shared a powerful story: she gave birth without medical support after a nurse told her to “go back to sleep.” She trusted her body. She spoke up. She pushed anyway.
It’s a story that’s as enraging as it is inspiring.
Whether you're expecting your first baby or preparing for another delivery, here’s what you need to know to advocate for yourself—even when no one seems to hear you.
🚨 1. Know That This Happens—And It’s Not Okay
Birth trauma is real. Studies show many women—especially women of color—report feeling dismissed, ignored, or disrespected during labor. You’re not being “difficult.” You're being informed. And that matters.
“If I can experience this—and my mom is literally a labor and delivery nurse—how many others are going through worse with no one in their corner?” – Dr. Robynn Mays
🧠 2. Learn the Signs You’re Being Dismissed
Watch for:
Being told to “calm down” or “wait” without clinical reasoning.
Feeling pain and being told it's “normal” without assessment.
Requests for help being minimized or ignored.
If you’re saying “I feel something is wrong” and getting brushed off, that’s a red flag.
📝 3. Prepare Your Voice Before Labor
Before birth, do this:
Write a birth plan with clear preferences.
List non-negotiables (e.g., “If I say I feel pressure, I want to be checked.”)
Assign an advocate—partner, doula, friend—to speak for you if needed.
Use assertive language: “Please document that you are declining my request,” is powerful and forces accountability.
🗣️ 4. Speak Up (Even if It Feels Uncomfortable)
You are not there to make your care team comfortable. You’re there to deliver safely. If you don’t feel heard:
Ask to speak to the charge nurse.
Request a different provider.
Say: “I do not feel safe. I want this escalated now.”
If someone disrespects you, report it—even later. It matters more than you know.
🤝 5. Choose a Provider Who Listens Before You Give Birth
Your prenatal appointments are a trial run. If they:
Interrupt you,
Dismiss your symptoms,
Rush through visits...
…they may do the same in the delivery room. It's okay to switch providers—even late in pregnancy.
💪 6. Remember: You Are the Expert on Your Body
You know what labor feels like. You know when something’s off. Trust that.
You are not being dramatic. You are not being emotional. You are being alive, aware, and in charge.
✨ Final Word
Birth should be empowering—not traumatizing. If you've had an experience like Dr. Mays, you’re not alone—and you’re not wrong.
Speak up. Show up. And if needed, push through—literally.
You’re not just advocating for yourself. You’re paving the way for the mom who comes after you.
📣 Share This Post If:
You’re pregnant and planning your birth.
You’ve experienced birth trauma and want others to be informed.
You believe moms deserve to be heard—every single time.